don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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