Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
