Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
