Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
