I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
