I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
