i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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