You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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