k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
