I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
