South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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