Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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