so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
