He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
