It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
