I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize