You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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