update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
