The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
