My friends, they love my intelligence
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
