will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
