New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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