we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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