hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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