Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
