What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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