She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
