just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
