I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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