what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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