Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
