An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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