sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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