Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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