You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
