We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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