Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
