so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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