Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
