Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
