we made out on top of his cat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
