I wish I could teleport
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
