we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
