Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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