thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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