Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
