respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize