I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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