she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
