how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
