i think my tv is drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
