How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
