Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
