he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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