Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Boobs are out for the taking
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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