UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
