well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
