some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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