This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
