Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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