i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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