Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
