HIV tests are more positive than that guy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
