I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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