and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
