I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina is officially offended.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
